AirBnB Stalker

Yes, it’s me. This is my most recent way to disconnect from the world… to take a break when I get stressed or overwhelmed or just feel a little lost. 

I’ll pick up my phone, open up my AirBnB app, look up to the heavens and choose a destination. At first, I started realistically, looking at places we could actually stay in on vacation. Me being me, of course, I have a very strict way of searching so that I can get the most “me” results. 

My first step is to pick a city. I skip the dates, because time means nothing nowadays and anyway, I’m just fantasizing, right? Then I choose two adults, cause I ain’t travelling alone, you know? It’ll be either me and my partner (vacation sex) or me and my literal carbon copy who I know I can vacay with with zero issues.

Then I search and see how many options there are. 

300+ places to stay? Then I filter it down to my list of fake vacation requirements:

  • Entire Place
  • 2 bathrooms (in case a double poop is necessary)

Wait. I have to stop there an explain something, because it is at this time in the AirBnB fantasy that I remember that what I’d really like to do is stay at an “Unique Stay” so I scroll back up and eliminate all the other filters first. 

My number one goal is always to stay in a castle, but I am easygoing, I’ll take a treehouse or dome house, too. No houseboats, though. I stayed on one once and I was damp the entire time. Not for me. 

Ok, so if that jaunt doesn’t satisfy me, I’ll undo the unique stay filter and go back to my strict filtering process which (in addition to the aforementioned things) includes:

Air Conditioning (Did I mention I hate being moist? Sweat = moist)

  • Wifi
  • Indoor Fireplace (it’s a vacation and I want treats!)
  • TV
  • Hot Tub
  • Grand Piano

Now, as I add these filters, I’ll keep an eye on the number of properties that are available. When it gets around 50, that’s when the real fun starts. 

Take today, for example, I made it through about half of my filter reqs when I had only 10 places to stay. I’m looking in San Sebastian, Spain, so I wasn’t expecting a lot. I’ll look through all ten properties, evaluating their merits and seeing which on will work best for the trip I wanna take.

Also, I make sure they have a good bathtub. That’s honestly number 1 for me. 




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