Here Are My Oscar Picks!

This year, I have made every effort to see as many of the Academy Awards Nominees as humanly possible. 

I’ve even gone to see one of nominees in the theater: Best Original Song Nominee, RRR. After already watching it 5 times at home. 100% worth it. I can’t wait to see it with an audience participation crowd in the future. It’s happening… even if I have to be the one to do it. 

There are also two nominees that I cannot bring myself to watch:

Avatar: The Water Bois, because I already sat through blue Pocahontas and simply cannot bring myself to watch another blue world with a boring story and printer paper characters.

AND

Blonde, which is nominated for Ana De Armas’ performance as Marilyn Monroe. Why am I not watching this movie? I’m tired of seeing the female form tortured sexually in unnecessary ways. I’ve read the book this is based on and… yeah, it’s not needed. And I know my views don’t make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things, but I can’t contribute to the clicks. 

I am looking forward to the Oscars being over (a weird thing I never thought I’d hear myself say) so that I can stop thinking at all about these two movies. I am requesting a removal from my radar. Thank you. 

I’ve even watched a lot of the documentaries and shorts! I fell in love with lava and bird brothers and the cutest elephants known to mankind. And I learned about a whole entire year of dicks. 

2022 was a fucking solid year of movies. One of the best since the mid-90s, which is really my favorite era of film. 

Here is one thing you should understand though:

I do not consider “Everything Everywhere All At Once” to be my favorite film of the year because I think it is on a plane of its own. It’s elevated above everything and of course, I think it should win every single award it is nominated for. And I think they should also create a new “decades” Academy Awards ceremony so it can also win all of those. It deserves EVERYTHING. 

I remember asking Mickey to go see this farting corpse movie (Swiss Army Man) on opening day one year and walking out energized. I knew I had seen something incredibly special made by fascinating brains. 

I knew what they created next would be world changing (for me, at least).

And I was RIGHT!

If you haven’t watched “Everything Everywhere All at Once” yet, I cannot recommend this masterpiece enough. It is currently streaming on Showtime, but, please do me a favor and put your phones on silent and really pay attention. You’ll get a much richer experience. 

So, that’s my real favorite movie of the year, but “favorite” doesn’t seem like it’s a big enough word so my brain is having a hard time calling it a favorite.

This year I’ve seen almost 100% of the nominees in all categories so I’m extremely invested and have a lot of big feelings. 

Ready to hear ’em? Let’s go! My winners are in purple. Oh, and I’m not doing that whole will win/should win. You can find that, like, anywhere. This is just what my heart wants and nothing more. I know I ain’t picking the highest percentage of winners here. 

Best Picture
All Quiet on the Western Front
Avatar: The Way of Water
The Banshees of Inisherin
Elvis
Everything Everywhere All at Once
The Fabelmans
TÁR
Top Gun: Maverick
Triangle of Sadness
Women Talking

I mean, obvious pick is obvious. I can’t imagine anything being more deserving. However, while sad for the Daniels and EEAAO, I would do a secret happy dance on the inside if “Triangle of Sadness” or “Women Talking” wins. 

Directing
Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin
Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Steven Spielberg, The Fabelmans
Todd Field, TÁR
Ruben Östlund, Triangle of Sadness

Again, obvious pick is obvious. Again, however, I’d be thrilled to see my boy Reuben win for “Triangle”. This is my “favorite” movie of the year. I’d also be happy with Martin McDonagh winning for “Banshees”. 

Actor in a Leading Role
Austin Butler, Elvis
Colin Farrell, The Banshees of Inisherin
Brendan Fraser, The Whale
Paul Mescal, Aftersun
Bill Nighy, Living

Austin Butler became Elvis. The movie was not great, Bob. Austin was perfection, though and deserves this win. If he doesn’t win, I want it to go to Colin for his nuanced love of his friend, country and donkeys. I’d be okay Brendan win for the legacy and the speech, but I don’t think what he did in “The Whale” was better than anyone else in the category, tbh. Honestly, they are all strong performances. 

Actress in a Leading Role
Cate Blanchett, TÁR
Ana de Armas, Blonde
Andrea Riseborough, To Leslie
Michelle Williams, The Fabelmans
Michelle Yeoh, Everything Everywhere All at Once

First off, Michelle Williams should not be in this category. Nor should she be nominated at all. That entire movie was just a filmed version of the improve game “ACT HARDER” and I’m so bored at that type of acting. Plus, her role is SUPPORTING. People bitched at Andrea Riseborough for her surprise nomination, but at least her performance deserves it!!! 

Second off, yes, Cate was great. She always is. I think Michelle was better though!

Plus, did you know it’s been 20 years since anyone won this category that wasn’t white? And Cate’s won TWO TIMES in that time? I think if I were Cate, I’d be Jeff Probst-ing it and removing myself from the category. How much praise does one need? I dunno, my awkward feeling of being greedy would outweigh my need to get praised. 

And I really crave praise, so that’s saying a lot. 

Actor in a Supporting Role
Brendan Gleeson, The Banshees of Inisherin
Bryan Tyree Henry, Causeway
Judd Hirsch, The Fabelmans
Barry Keoghan, The Banshees of Inisherin
Ke Huy Quan, Everything Everywhere All at Once

Duh. If he doesn’t win, I will cry. If he wins, I will also cry but they will be happy tears for sure. Of the other nominees, Barry’s my second choice, followed by Brendan and Tyree and very very very very very very very low down on the list Judd Hirsch. Love the man, but he acted harder just like everyone in that damn  movie. 


Actress in a Supporting Role
Angela Bassett, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
Hong Chau, The Whale
Kerry Condon, The Banshees of Inisherin
Jamie Lee Curtis, Everything Everywhere All at Once
Stephanie Hsu, Everything Everywhere All at Once

Hong Chau should have been nominated for “The Menu” instead of “The Whale”. Dolly DeLeon from “Triangle of Sadness” is my real winner in this category though… and she didn’t even get nominated!! Puh! 

I really wanna see Stephanie Hsu win this one. After you’ve seen EEAAO, go watch her audition. She 100% transformed into Jobu Tupaki. I’d be fine with Jamie Lee winning, too but that feels like “older actress looks ugly and wins an Oscar” and I think we’ve evolved past that. 

International Feature Film
All Quiet on the Western Front
Argentina, 1985
Close
EO
The Quiet Girl

I reluctantly watched this movie because of the nominations. I finished with a new top war movie. So good and so hard to watch. 

Cinematography
All Quiet on the Western Front
Bardo, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths
Elvis
Empire of Light
TÁR

“All Quiet” was incredible to look at and deserves, should and will win. That said, I would love to see “Bardo” take this too. It was a strange surreal movie that was incredibly gorgeous to look at. I like looking at things, okay?

Production Design
All Quiet on the Western Front
Avatar: The Way of Water
Babylon
Elvis
The Fabelmans

It deserves all the technical awards it’s nominated for. However, I also think Avatar might win them instead, which makes me sad. 

Visual Effects
All Quiet on the Western Front
Avatar: The Way of Water
The Batman
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
Top Gun: Maverick

See above, but I think “Top Gun” will win this because the flying was cool. I wasn’t even planning to watch “Top Gun” honestly because I knew automagically I would hate it. However, Mickey had a bad day at work and wanted to hate watch something so we put this on. It was perfect for this purpose. No one (actors, directors, writers) got that movie right… except for Miles Teller.

And in conclusion, EEAAO should have been nominated for this category. Did you see that movie? Did you see the effects?! Did you know that the team who created them were kind of amateurs?!


Costume Design
Babylon
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
Elvis
Everything Everywhere All at Once
Mrs. Harris Goes to Paris

I know this won’t happen. But I want it to. I think this movie deserved a lot more nominations than it received. It’s not just about clothes, but its about standing up for yourself, especially in the workplace. It’s on Peacock and I recommend. 

Sound
All Quiet on the Western Front
Avatar: The Way of Water
The Batman
Elvis
Top Gun: Maverick

Tech category goes to “All Quiet”. It’s a pattern for me. 


Original Score
All Quiet on the Western Front
Babylon
The Banshees of Inisherin
Everything Everywhere All at Once
The Fabelmans

This category is eh for me. I don’t have a big pull towards anything. Of these, I’ve listened to the “Banshees” score the most, so I’ll pick that one. 


Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
All Quiet on the Western Front
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
Living
Top Gun: Maverick
Women Talking

Literal perfection in script form. Another movie that deserved a lot more nominations. 

Writing (Original Screenplay)
The Banshees of Inisherin
Everything Everywhere All at Once
The Fabelmans
TÁR
Triangle of Sadness

Surprise! I did not choose EEAAO for this category. I will be thrilled if they win, but I will be even more thrilled if Ruben wins for “Triangle of Sadness” aka my favorite film of this season. I love it so much and and thrilled with three nominations cause I was worried it wouldn’t get any, but I want it to win at least one. 

I know it won’t happen, though. 

Live Action Short Film
An Irish Goodbye
Ivalu
Le Pupille
Night Ride
The Red Suitcase

You can watch this on YouTube and I recommend it. I’m so glad I made the effort to watch as many of the shorts as possible this year. I found them to be really eye opening and inspirational. Totally in a “I can do that!” way. 

Animated Short Film
The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse
The Flying Sailor
Ice Merchants
My Year of Dicks
An Ostrich Told Me the World Is Fake and I Think I Believe It

This was fun, inventive and on Hulu if you wanna watch it. My second choice would be “Ice Merchants”. 

Film Editing
The Banshees of Inisherin
Elvis
Everything Everywhere All at Once
TÁR
Top Gun: Maverick

I mean, duh. If you’ve seen it, you understand. 

Makeup and Hairstyling
All Quiet on the Western Front
The Batman
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
Elvis
The Whale

Outstanding. Just outstanding. Of all the nominees, this one deserves it most. 

I think “The Whale” will win because fat suit, though. I think that’s a lazy win. 

Animated Feature Film
Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio
Marcel the Shell With Shoes On
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
The Sea Beast
Turning Red

I watched this on the plane to Los Angeles last year and openly sobbed. It should win for that alone. 


Original Song
“Applause,” from Tell It Like a Woman (Diane Warren)
“Hold My Hand,” from Top Gun: Maverick (Lady Gaga and Bloodpop)
“Lift Me Up,” from Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (Tems, Ludwig Göransson, Rihanna and Ryan Coogler)
“Naatu Naatu,” from RRR (Kala Bhairava, M. M. Keeravani, Rahul Sipligunj)
“This Is A Life,” from Everything Everywhere All at Once (David Byrne, Ryan Lott, and Mitski)

This is the other category I am most passionate about. First off “RRR” is an incredible force of a movie and in my top five of the year. It is on Netflix, but it is also currently playing in theaters (the studio re-released it a year later!). I recommend the theater experience. It’s three+ hours, but there is also an intermission for peeing. 

Now, the other thing that bothers me about this category are the credits songs. I want my Original Song winner to play an active part in the movie. Not just slap some famous person’s tune over the end credits. That’s so lazy and I hate it. 

And wtf is that Diane Warren song even?! I’ve never heard of the movie. Why are people bitching at Andrea Riseborough for her nomination and not Diane Warren, who does this ALL THE TIME. Ugh.

Documentary Short Subject
The Elephant Whisperers
Haulout
How Do You Measure a Year?
The Martha Mitchell Effect
Stranger at the Gate

This is on Netflix and if you want to fall in love with Elephants, please watch this. I already loved elephants but these two were the CUTEST I’D EVER SEEN. 

Documentary Feature
All That Breathes
All the Beauty and the Bloodshed
Fire of Love
A House Made of Splinters
Navalny

I have only seen three of these, and of them, my favorite was “All That Breathes”. 

Okay, that’s it. I’m looking forward to Sunday, are you?

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