I Might Have the Most Sensitive Armpits on the Planet

I did not take photos of the yuck, do not worry. I would never share the visual portion of this grossness to you.

I feel very whiny lately, but I also have to remind myself that my hormones keep getting wacker and wacker the closer I get to actual menopause. 

So I’m giving myself some grace. Or trying to at least. I still ain’t good at it, lol. 

But my armpits. They are so damn picky. This has been a problem as long as I can remember. 

I think I might have tried every single deodorant on the market, full of chemicals or not. 

Maybe two or three work. 

four tubes of deodorant lounging on a tree

Well, that is not entirely true. 

They ALL work as intended for me. They do the sweat drying, the smelling goods and the general freshness. 

But here is what they also do:

They rip off the literal skin from my armpits in whole fucking sheets. 

It’s awful and I hate it and it’s so gross and embarrassing and I am so glad Mickey isn’t here right now. 

Because it’s happening again.

And I’m so so so so sososososososos sad. 

Because I thought I finally found the holy grail of Jacki deodorants. It kept the stinkies at bay and didn’t let sweat puddle up in my pits. Also, it was a scent that didn’t bother Mickey’s nose (or mine, because I cannot do floral or bebe powder smells). 

It smelled good too! It was sandalwood and vanilla and blended in really nicely with my very bougie laundry detergent. (I will tell you about it someday). 

I’ve been using it for about 2 months now with no issues. Then it started happening. 

I can’t even buy non-natural deodorants anymore because they are the worst offender and it starts happening within a week. Except this one that Mickey uses, but I honestly feel really weird using the same brand as him. 

I wanna smell like ME, dammit!

At first I thought my pits were just irritated because of all the wet suitin’ so I took a step back from that. 

Nope, still angry, awful and red. 

Then I took a test break from it, using the deodorant that works in a non-irritating manner, albeit for only 6 hours at a time. And plus I don’t like to use this one too much because I have to ship it from freaking New Zealand. 

Yes, I do hoard it when I get it. Like it’s a snack I don’t want to run out of. 

So after the break calmed down my pits, I tried the offending deodorant again. 

Look. It smelled good, okay? 

But here I am again, underarms falling off in full sheets, pits angry and red and me afraid to lean against the back of the couch lest I accidentally get my natural musk on it. (I am not wearing deodorant at all right now to heal.)

So, I’m starting the hunt again. 

So far these are the only ones that don’t make my want to completely remove my armpits:

Anything from Essano: These are by far my favorite choice. They work, they do not irritate at all and they mostly get rid of the constant 5 o’clock shadow that is always present, even after I shave my pits (which I have also stopped doing as often as a way to prevent the grossness… and plus it hurts to shave when it’s like this!) They do however only last for 6 hours at a time, and they come from New Zealand.

Anything from Neter Gold: I would just buy these all the time, but they are kind of awkward to put on. They crumble easily and end up all over the floor. They last forever, smell incredible and I LOVE that the packaging is sustainable. I’ve shopped this shop a lot and not been let down. Their hair oil is a miracle in a bottle and you only need the tiniest of tiny bits. (fun fact, I found this brand because of their TikTok account, which is just them stirring combs in oil)

Mickey’s: It is in a blue tube and I think it is Degree? It smells like testosterone. You can see it in the photo above that I am sure I will take when I am done writing this blog. 

The lady Degree does not work for me. I have tried. 

So I guess I just wanted to complain about my armpits today. I’ll take suggestions of course, but there is very little I haven’t already tried. 

However, my friends are out of the box thinkers with a wide array of life experience, so I’m still holding onto a bit of hope!

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