I’m Trying Out A Subject Matter and If Anyone is Gross About It, I’ll Be Real Disappointed

OK, so y’all know my most recent professional background is in the sexual health and wellness industry. AKA the “adult world”. AKA porn and stuff. 

And yeah, it’s cool and funny to reduce it to that to its basest things, but the industry is much more than that. 

But (say it with me now!) that’s not what I wanted to talk about today. 

I was just using that as a way to say, hey! It shouldn’t be weird that I’m talking about sex on this blog! So if you’re gonna get weirded out about it, turn away now. 

Ok. So, I came to sex late. 

Like I did it young, but that was an unusual situation for another time when I feel way safer and more secure in myself. 

But I didn’t learn to enjoy it until my 30s. My friend gifted me a novelty vibe for my birthday one year and while it said “100 Orgasms” on the case (it was a joke based on my current favorite candy bar 100 Grand – Life is strange), it only gave me one, but it was my first one so it was important. 

My next birthday, she got me a more advanced model and I also advanced a little bit. And then I got into a relationship with someone who wasn’t afraid to explore my body and figure out what made me …tick …tick …Boom! (ugh, I hate myself for writing that, but my brain wouldn’t let me continue until I did, so sorry about that.)

When I got my job for the adult chain, my world kind of busted wide open toy-wise. We played with them a bit together, but since my fella has been out of town so often, I’ve really gotten a chance to explore this vast collection on my own. 

And, well, I have some favorites. And also a realization. 

When Mickey is gone I start off almost every day with an orgasm. Not that I don’t them on the daily when he’s here, but they are just eveningtime events. 

I think there might be some magic in that, because I’ve been paying attention and I notice a difference in my mood if I don’t. So, I dunno, maybe give it a shot for yourself?

There are three toys that I use more than any other, and I know people don’t talk about this in the open much. It’s all behind closed doors and whispered and there’s just a lot of unnecessary shame involved. 

So I’m gonna. 

Here are my top three toys for morning orgasms RIGHT THIS SECOND:


1. ‘Shroom from EngErotics – This thing is smol but MIGHTY. Plus it’s a freakin’ mushroom, y’all! The stem makes it much easier to hold than most days, especially on those days when my hands are feeling kind of hurty. It’s the one I use when I have time to spend, because it’s good for teasing and indirect clitoral stimulation. (Plus, I know the women who run this company and they do it with such grace and care… I’m so luck to know them!)

2. Magic Wand – This thing is a dang classic for a dang reason. It gets the job done! Now, I have both the Original and the Rechargeable, but I rarely use anything but the old school plug in one on the first setting. The higher setting is just too buzzy for me. I like it rumbly!

3. Womanizer – This is for my busy days. Shit works almost immediately once you figure out how to use it on yourself. The model I have is older than the one linked here, but it’s still a direct highway down to o-town. But in a way, I don’t like that cause there’s no fun. It just… happens. I’m spoiled, I know. 

Ok, so there’s that. Go forth and have fun with yourself. (also, all of these are fine for partner use too, but the ‘Shroom is probably best, just because of the size and shape and ease of use. Also it’s probably the least intimidating.)


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