Look, I Dunno if I Should Be Talking About This, But…

Something weird is going on at the Professor Haus. 

We have cable. 

Are we paying for cable? No. 

Have we set up a TV? Also no. 

However, the old owners left two whole televisions up in this house… so sometimes we turn them on. 

Mostly it’s Cartoon Network at sleepy times because we were trying to sleep in an unfamiliar space, so we put on some unfamiliar sounds. 

But even that, we haven’t turned on in the past three days. The Professor Haus felt like home pretty quickly. 

There’s TV in the kitchen too. 


It seemed like every time I turned it on, Die Hard was on. Or something else where Bruce Willis is sweaty and covered in blood and stuff. 

Today, when I powered on the good ole (and I do mean ole) kitchen TV, ‘Young Sheldon’ was on. So that is the photo you get. 

It’s been well over a week since we’ve moved in. We turned the Internet on in our name… and the cable is still active. 

Every time I check the TVs I expect static, but that has not happened yet. 

But my brain feels like I am doing something so wrong by having television running through the cables of the Prof Haus. 

Like, should I call them and be like WTF? Or just let the cable be?

Not gonna lie, I’m pretty stoked about not having to pay for Hulu Live to watch the awards shows on NBC. I can just go into the guest bedroom (which will be music themed, using the Jack White rainbow of course), fling open the cabinet doors, jump into the gigantic bed and watching people give speeches.

I mean watching it the regular way is fine too, but this seems more dramatic. 

I feel like normal people would just be like, “hey, yeah, it’s their fuck up, don’t say a word, enjoy the free cable, because you definitely paid enough for it over your lifetime,”

But not my brain. It’s so conflicted. 

Do I call them?

If so, what do I say?

“Oh hai, we just moved in and we have cable but we did not ask for cable.”

Based on previous customer service experiences, I imagine the rest of the conversation would go something like this:

(please fill in this space with all the million hoops I would need to go through to even get someone on the phone)

Them: Ok, well, I will just remo- (abrupt confusion stop)

Me: What’s up?

Them: You don’t have cable on your account.

Me: Yes, I know. 

Them: Okay, then what is the problem?

Me: I have it in my house. 

Them: You have what in your house?

Me: ….cable?

Them: No you do not, I do not see it on your account so there is nothing I can do for you. 

Me: But it is in my house and I am not paying for it so it feels very weird and I do not like it. 

Them: …

Me: Okay, thank you. I will just keep the free cable. 

Them: What free cable?

Me: The cable in my house that I am not paying for. 

Them: You do not have cable. 

And then I would get stuck in that loop until I die most likely. 

So I probably will not call because I definitely do not want to die, especially not on the phone. 

And definitely not for cable television. 

What would you do? Just STFU and thank the cable goddesses? My brain does not like it at all, but I’ll do it. But I’m open to other options. 


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