Hello.
I live at The Professor Haus. It’s about 5 minutes from Detroit, is on a river and has about .75 acres of land. We have some mature trees and lots of flowers (planted by us). We’re trying to get rid of our grass in place of clover or other low-growing ground cover that bees and butterflies love.
It is going pretty well.
I am on the spectrum (so is my partner). I have OCD and something called aphantasia, which means I can’t picture things in my head. I dunno why I am doing, like, an introduction of me (Jacki) in this blog, but my brain told me to and sometimes I listen to it.
I’m working on when to tell it to shut up, though (lots of times, it turns out).
One thing I cannot shut up about, though, is my squirrel friends at the Professor Haus! The first year we lived here, I didn’t know what a love story this would be.
Then I met Rube. Rube was my first Professor Haus Squirrel.
Rube was a wily squirrel who once tried to jump in my lap because I wasn’t giving him nuts fast enough and also tried to scratch through the screen for the same reason.
Then we had Vic. I don’t recall why we named him Vic; however, now that I know all about Vic Michaelis, I suspect they might have something to do with it (even though I didn’t know they existed at the time).
Alas, Vic flew too close to the sun. By that I mean, he swerved when he should have weaved and ended up roadkill that I had to see get smooshed for two weeks.
I did, however, make a statue of Vic that I say hello to every day:
Last year we had two that kept coming to visit:
Margo & the General.
Margo is named after, uh, Margo in For All Mankind. And The General, well, he just looked like The General.
This year, we have Johnny Lawrence (and the Pretty Girl, but I don’t even have a name for her, because she only stops by occasionally, face covered in walnut, to take a single peanut, which she is picky about. She is the most stunningly beautiful squirrel I have ever seen, tho. She also might be a He, but I have not seen her undercarriage to confirm. We suspect she and Johnny Lawrence might be a secret power couple.)
Now, I barely have pics of Johnny Lawrence, because, even though she’s been here for months now, almost daily, she’s still skittish as hell.
But she’s also regular as hell. It’s like she’s watching me through the windows and she knows my rhythms. Every single day the past couple weeks, she’s been on the stoop waiting for me to sit down and start writing (and feed her some nuts).
Oh, and yeah, Johnny Lawrence (named after Johnny Lawrence of Cobra Kai fame) is a girl. When I first met her, she just had Johnny Lawrence vibes. I really wanted to root for her. More than all the other squirrels in the yard, I wanted to see her succeed. Then one day, I saw her undercarriage and I messaged Mickey, “Johnny Lawrence is a girl.”
That name wasn’t going anywhere. This squirrel is the animal embodiment of Johnny Lawrence.
And I love her. And I’ve noticed her walk changing and her hips widening and her tummy growing and I’m 99% sure that Johnny Lawrence is pregnant, y’all.
Am I going to be a squirrel grandmother? What should we name them? Is there anything I should prepare in case the birth goes awry? How long will it take Johnny Lawrence to heal? Should I provide extra sustanence in these trying times?
I’ve never done an animal birth before.
Only human.
