I’m neurodivergent. That means I often get food obsessions. I think there might be another word for it (aside from autism), but I’m talking about the thing where you eat one food for a long time until one day it doesn’t taste right anymore, and you can’t eat it again for a very long time.
Last summer, it was tomato sandwiches with Duke’s mayonnaise, salt, and pepper, and nothing else. That has been true any summer in my life when the first tomato I get tastes like a tomato should and not some mealy tasty nonsense that puts me off them for the season.
For a long, long time, it was garlic noodles. Forever and ever, it will be two grilled cheeses, with hashbrowns scattered, smothered, and covered, and a full-sugar Coke (with two pumps of cherry syrup) from Waffle House.
For a hot minute this fall, it was pancakes. It still is, kind of, but from a Coney Island only. I don’t enjoy cooking them.
From the minute I tasted my current food obsession, I knew it would become one.
I was inspired by the same TikToker who has me eating breakfast almost daily for, like, two months now. As long as I’ve known myself I hate eating when I first wake up. I remember sitting at the breakfast table with my mom barking at me to eat my toast or I’d miss the bus. I didn’t want to eat my toast; I had an upset tummy.
So, eating oatmeal or Wheat Bix within the first hour of being awake is a big deal to me.
Oh fuck. This is how those recipe blogs start. I don’t want to be one of those and have to install a “jump to recipe” button. I’ll just go step by step with pictures.
Okay first, you ask your Mickey to scramble 6 eggs. Sneak in a little water or milk if you want them to be extra fluffy.
I do not have a photo of this step, but next time we make these, I will ask him if I can take a video of the whisking. He is very good at it.
MY first step is putting about a tablespoon of butter in a medium hot pan. Then I put two bagels facedown in it.
I let them cook there for a bit, checking them obsessively to ensure they are browning evenly. I also press down in certain spots occasionally to help that along.
Oh, I should say that the important, most neat part of this cooking process isn’t some special ingredient but the actual way you cook it. It is so simple that I can’t believe I’ve not done this before.
Then I flip them over and do the same thing to the butt side.
When the butt side is at my desired crisp level, I remove the bagels from the pan. The first time I made this I got fresh bagels from Trentwood Farms (and also sushi and gelato) but these are just Thomas’ from Kroger, nothin’ fancy.
Then I put another pat of butter in the pan and lower the heat to medium low. (I have learned that slow and low is the way to go with this dish.)
Then I dump in the eggs Mickey scrambled.
I think you can for sure get away with less butter – this wasn’t even a full tablespoon and it was too much. I’d say a quarter to a half – also you can probably use the oil of your choice. I just had local butter so that’s what I’ve been using.
This next part is why I can’t do recipes. When the eggs look right, drop the bagels in facedown. Watch Jess Waterhouse’s TikTok to see what the eggs look like when they add the bagels. If I could describe what “looks right” looks like to me, I guess I would say they are still shiny but not jiggly when you jiggle the pan.
It is a slow process. Don’t rush the eggs. I did once, and they were brown and not fluffy and made my mouth sad.
Ok, so since we are splitting the eggs, it’s at this point that I take my spatula and make a line where my eggs end and Mickey’s eggs begin. You know, so there is egg separation.
Then comes the scary part… flipping the eggs. Pick your widest, sturdiest spatula. This is not a job for my batula. I need the heft of my regular KitchenAid one that we won in a charity auction one million lifetimes ago.
Here is what I was able to accomplish with it:
Woohoo, the eggs are mostly not brown!!! I was really bad at cooking eggs for most of my life, so I am very happy that it finally seems to have clicked for me.
The next step is toppings. You can do whatever you want really. That’s what great about this. It’s mostly things I have on hand already, often things I’m wanting to use up.
Once, I used salami, and once, it was chorizo. This time, it was thinner -than-paper sliced ham. I thought the salty, sweet goodness would be lovely on this sandwich.
I also always add cheese. This time, we each got a slice of provolone.
I’m definitely gonna be getting some spinach and bacon, and mushrooms cause I think that will be delightful.
This was, too:
Okay, and now here comes the big move that blew my mind.
You… flip… the TOP of the bagel… onto the other half of the bagel, making a sandwich!
It should look like this (but with your toppings.)
It was at this point that I decided to fry up Mickey’s ham a bit while his sandwich finished cooking. It made it a bit crispy – an A+ move that I will repeat.
Then I flip Mickey’s sandwich neatly on top of itself and plate ‘em up!
Here are some beauty shots:
They are yummy and fun, and they hit all the notes in my brain right now.
I’ll let you know if I come up with any combinations.
Oh, at this point in the recipe is when you look over at your stove and say aloud, “Off, off, off, off” while pointing at each burner because you have OCD. Oh, wait no.
That’s just me.
