Hello, you may know me well or this could be the first time you have ever visited my website. Regardless, I think there is something you should totally know about me:
I am a 48 year human who has lots of stuffed animals. I’ve never counted them, but there are probably over 100. They each have their own personality and most are gifted a brand new name when they arrive at the Professor Haus.
The stuffies I have the most of? Snoopy. Snoopy’s been my best bud since I was a kid. Even back then, I wasn’t a touchy feely person, so when my nana would visit, wanting hugs and kisses… I gave them to Snoopy instead.
There were a lot of my years, from late elementary school to about 10-ish years ago where I didn’t have any stuffed animals. Then Mickey got me a Kohl’s Snoopy, which I was embarassed about for about 5 years. Then I got over myself, embraced my childlike wonder (I am a yellow after all), and now I think I have about 75 stuffed animals? I’m afraid to count, tbh.
Knowing that I an adult who loves stuffies, and things in general, I am often the recipient of a suprise new buddy, which I always embrace. Often they they are Snoopys. I’ve gotten quite a few over the past few months.
All of our stuffies have their own personality:
- Some of them are small and they get a lesser role in the household. We give them a name and they go to the back of one of the stuffie apartments in the Princess TV Room (we do not have a normal house).
- Others are not well-loved by the other stuffies and have to go live in the Rotunda. No hate, y’all. Ginger is currently in the midst of a fascist coup attempt.
These next few you’ll meet are my newest batch of Snoops, who have all stayed as couch crew. This doesn’t happen very often. Normally, they arrive, and they spend some time on the couch, reveal their personalities and move on to their final home.
Like Gibson the Baseball Sloth, who now resides as the DJ in the guest room. Yes, he has turntables.
So, without further ado… meet the new Snoop Crew (alert: a new batch came in WHILE I was writing this post; they are not Snoops, though, but Coca Colas, so they will receive their own post in due time).
This cutie is named after the wonderful human who gifted (most of) this new batch of friends to me. Ms. Bee has an incredible sense of humor, but more importantly, an incredible sense of self. She doesn’t let anyone talk down to her or make her feel less than. When they do, though? She makes them feel silly for even trying… with jokes, of course. Nothing terribly mean, because that’s not the kind of person Ms. Bee is. She just wants to check the other stuffies’ privilege or something.
Izzy has a hot butt (she’s a warmie), so she’s very important to me once a month. She’ll go and spend some time in the heat machine (microwave), and when she comes out, she goes straight to my lower tummy, where all the cramps are happening. Because of her “job”, she’s a calming, centering part of the couch crew.
Mildred is tiny, but she’s tough. She comes from somewhere in Scandinavia and does some sort of sport. She’s not really clear about what sport, though. Based on her attire, I’d say something in the skiing realm. Maybe that one where you ski and shoot and shoot and ski on repeat? I dunno. Mildred has NO sense of humor and often needs jokes explained to her (which Izzy does, because no one else has the patience for that).
JB Tartt (do do do-do-do) is a soccer boi through and through. Nothing is as important to him as training. He refuses all junk food and booze, because that would affect his success on the pitch, wouldn’t it? JB is sponsored by MetLife, but isn’t a shill. I’ve never had a conversation about insurance with him, not even once.
Frank was not a gift, but a rescue from a Walgreens. I was there for my once-a-year visit to see if there were any updates in Candy Cane Technology. When I saw Frank’s belly hanging out, I knew he was coming home with us. He immediately adopted the personality of Frank Reynolds and simply does not give one fuck… and I love him for it.
So that’s the crew. Of course, Tracy had to worm his way into the picture. He had to chow off his new orange high-necked dress, after all.
