My Favorite Humans: Timmy

This is my friend Timmy, and they’re gonna tell you how we met.

Timmy: “Wow, we met in school, middle school, I think”

Jacki: “Probably. I got to Social Circle in eighth grade. So it would have you, you’re like, a year ahead of me, so it would have been seventh for you.”

I moved to Social Circle, Georgia, smack in the middle of my 8th-grade year. Why yes, that might be the absolute worst time to move to a new school. I mean, I just got comfortable with all the giggles every time I wore my favorite outfit of a black turtleneck, black skirt, purple tights, and purple suspenders at my suburban Georgia middle school. I don’t think I could ever go through that painful experience again, so I simply retired that outfit forever.

Band was my safe place, and I hoped to continue that in my new school as well. SCMS had an incredible band director at the time, Mr. Stacey Johnson. The band was small, but mighty. The trumpet section was four people. And I was the only French Horn player (yes, I pulled double duty).

Timmy was also in the band. He played the drums and was what I could consider one of the “cool” band kids. And by cool, I mean that he (even at that young age) did not (seem to) give a FUCK about what the rest of the kids (or teachers, for that matter) thought of him.

Now he’s a grown-up human whom I hadn’t talked to (with my voice) in about 30 years, which seems wild. Here’s what he had to say:

Question 1:

When you wake up and start moving through your morning, what’s the first thing you do that actually makes you feel like yourself again?

“I think it’s when I take those first few minutes to kind of just either do, like, quick meditation and just see where my mind’s at for the day, and just kind of, you know what I mean, just collect myself.”
 

“Lately I’ve just been kind of doing well. I’ve been doing the Gateway Tapes lately. So I just kind of kind of run through that, kind of move around, build and feel my energy, and just kind of clear my mind.”

Right out the gate (pun intended), I learned something completely new to me. This is one of my favorite sensations, so I was THRILLED. I’d spent some time dabbling with meditation myself during my “summer of floating.” You know, that summer where I floated in the pool, read whatever I could get my eyes on, and listened to The Leftovers soundtrack on repeat? Well, I read a lot of David Lynch books that summer, and he talked a lot about transcendental meditation. And I tried it a fair share myself. So much so that I considered taking a class in person with human people around me, something I wasn’t doing very much then.

But I’d never heard of the Gateway Tapes before, and it opened up a whole new rabbit hole for me. Here’s information about the Gateway Process from the Monroe Institute.

Timmy attributed this method to helping him clear his mind and get into the groove of the day. It feels very similar to my morning pages, which, at the time of the interview, I had done just over 600 of… this week, I broke 800. =)

Question 2:

What’s the dumbest thing you’ve been weirdly good at?

 “Finding things.”

Timmy answered this one so fast, y’all. And what a useful thing to be good at, amirite?! I, of course, had a follow-up question, and that was if he had a method or just had “real sharp eyes”. He said it was both and then dropped this bit of info:

 “I had friends of mine that would literally call me to come to their house to help them look for stuff if they’ve lost something.”

Up to and including a buddy of his who would occasionally call Timmy, ask him to come over, and help him look for his keys. Would Timmy find them every single time? Yes, he would.

Then we talked about other ways to go about life, so you know where things are and don’t have to go searching for them all the time. These included hooks (the solution at The Professor Haus) and AirTags on everything (another tidbit from my Friend Interview with Kristin).

Question 3:

What’s the random, odd object you keep around that would confuse a stranger but makes total sense to you?

“I have a saw in my shop that I keep this rock on. There’s a rock that I keep in there, that I can see when I go in. It’s from the Sangre de Cristo Mountains in New Mexico.”

Timmy, you had me at rocks. If rocks have no fans, then I am dead. I’ve been collecting rocks since I was in elementary school, and they are one of my few collections that are still intact (other collections that remain intact: Ron Gant. My slumber party girlies will understand.)

In fact, one of my life’s greatest mysteries revolves around a rock that my mentor Tom gave me upon his retirement and asked me to identify it. It’s round, smooth, and medium dark grey with thin ribbons of black running through it. I guessed so many different rocks, but none of them were correct. The only hint I’ll ever get is that it was from “a” Yellow River, because Tom has since passed.

Timmy, like me, knows (more specifically than I do) where the rock is from, but not exactly what it is. He thinks it’s some sort of granite.

 “It’s really smooth, it’s worn down real smooth.”

I love that this rock is one of the first things he notices when he walks into his shop. I say notices and not sees, because I bet it wouldn’t be the first thing a stranger would “see” when looking at Timmy’s shop. And I think that is an important distinction, because, as I have recently learned, not everyone is a noticer.

Question 4:

What kind of song always gets you right in the chest?

 “That one gets me in the feels a lot. You know what? I mean that that one definitely gets me every time I hear it. For sure.” [about Björk’s Hyperballad]

Full disclosure: this question was impropoerly worded I think, because asking people to choose one thing, singular, especially when it comes to music, feels mean. So, yeah, Timmy stumbled a bit here at the beginning, because this was a big ask.

He recovered nicely when he remembered the magic of Björk, though. Her whisper growing into catharsis through drums and bass… self-contained wildness, or something very close. I asked if it was the song or the time period that moved him the most, and he thinks it was a combination. He described it as a song that felt “outside of him,” and I totally vibe with that. But, as Timmy says, he’s “all over the place with music”, so he couldn’t just give me one answer.

 “Oh man, Naked As We Came, Iron and Wine. … That song right there. It’s hard for me to talk about it right now. It’s just that one, you know?”

Iron and Wine is a whole vibe unto itself. I also understand how songs can affect one emotionally, so I totally respected Timmy’s need for non-elaboration, aside from saying that the subject matter is relatable at our age. (yeah, it totally is, y’all.) Sometimes music just does that, you know?

Then we kind of swerved and talked about songs we irrationally hate for some reason.

His: “Never Say Goodbye” by Bon Jovi

Mine: “Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime” by anyone except Jeffrey B. Davis and Dan Harmon

Question 5:

Tell me a love story.

 “I know a guy who met this young vet tech and pretty amazing person, great with animals, great personality. They hit it off really well, and he was getting ready to propose to her, and she moved to LA.”

By now, I’ve conducted 9 of these interviews, with a tenth scheduled soon now that she is off Broadway for the moment (I’m hype about this one y’all!!!!), and this remains the single question that has stayed. It’s my favorite, and one of the things I love most about it is that no two answers have been the same kind of love story.

When I describe Timmy’s story to my other interviewees, I call it a “soap opera.” And, y’all, it’s a drama-filled one where a fella falls in love with an incredible person, follows them to LA, and after a month decides to move there. He flies back home and tells his parents, who cut him off from the family. His flights are booked, he’s got places lined up to look at, and he has his shit packed.

He calls her to confirm his arrival dates, and y’all, do you know who answered? (this was landline times.) SOME STRANGE FELLA.

a complete betrayal.

 “He would have followed her to the ends of the earth.”

The end of the story makes this quote hit just that much harder, doesn’t it?

Question 6:

What’s one thing you do almost every day, completely alone, that no one really knows about… but if they saw it, they’d understand something essential (and possibly unhinged) about you?

 “Probably talking to myself.”

“Maybe get off full on conversations at time with myself, like, what are you doing?”

I mean, same. Same for Kristin, too. Like Timmy said, everyone’s ashamed to say it, but they are doing it. So, to that I ask, if we’re all doing it… Why should we be ashamed of it? Why should we be ashamed of ANYTHING we do as long as we move through the world with a clear heart and do good?

The only thing that is really shameful to me is hate… because why? Why waste any energy on hating anything? Now, I’m not saying don’t dislike anything. Sometimes it’s fun to not like something a whole heck of a lot. (see: my current anger at the current off-Broadway production of Romy and Michele: The Musical. I have reasons, though, and I don’t hate it. I can’t hate it, because I see it for what it is [amoneygrab], which just makes me sad. so, I don’t want to waste any extra energy on hating it. because that energy could be better used for good, you know?)

So, here’s where that leaves us:

• Do you talk to yourself when you are alone?
  • Yes.
    • Excellent.
    • Fabulous.
    • You are not alone.
    • There is nothing to be ashamed about.
    • You are human.
  • No.
    • Excellent.
    • Fabulous.
    • You are not alone.
    • There is nothing to be ashamed about.
    • You are human.
  • Sometimes.
    • Excellent.
    • Fabulous.
    • You are not alone.
    • There is nothing to be ashamed about.
    • You are human.

So there you have it, folks. I hope that Timmy (and Jacki) helped you release some shame that you had no business holding onto for that long. Revel in the words you say (or sing)(or rap)(or perform) out loud to yourself.

But also, if someone else is in the house, be respectful. Yelling from room to room in confusion is never fun. If you catch yourself doing it and someone is replying to you, just quickly apologize and say, “Sorry, I was just talking to myself. go about your day.” But do it lightly and not mean. That should help them realize that nothing bad was happening, they are not less than in any way for not having the answer to whatever nonsense (don’t take offense, nonsense is good) you were spouting off about to yourself, there is nothing to shame or punish you for. And if the situation were reversed, there is nothing to shame and punish them for. Sometimes people just don’t know what these things look like, especially when they grew up in toxic households.

Yoof, that got heavy. Let’s get back to Timmy’s interview.

Question 7:

If someone gave you an hour to teach a class on a subject you know too much about, what would you surprise them with?

 “Probably either disc golf or astronomy.”

I have a little bit of knowledge about one of these topics and zero knowledge about the other. So, I asked Timmy to tell me about disc golf!

 “It’s fun, it’s relaxing, it’s a good way to reconnect with nature and be active. But you know, you don’t have to be a athletic superstar to be able to enjoy it.

One of the other things that Timmy loves about Disc Golf is that you don’t have to be an athletic superstar to play… anyone can do it. We also got kind of in-depth on professional disc golf, which is a thing I didn’t even know existed until recently.

Question 8:

Is there a sound, smell, or stretch of road that instantly teleports you back to high school?

 “Yeah, yeah, going down Highway 11.”

This is where I learned to drive. This is probably where Timmy learned to drive. This is also most likely where every single teenager in Social Circle, Georgia, learned to drive. It is probably where D would have learned to drive if my dad hadn’t passed away and we all moved to Florida. Social Circle is a weird (almost Lynchian) town that seems hard for folks to escape from.

So, of course, I had to ask Timmy how the Circle was doing. If it was the same town with nothing more than a stoplight and a well in the uptown area. Yes, uptown, not downtown. That is what it was always called.

 “Pretty much, uh, it’s growing a little bit now, for sure, but yeah, really not a lot. Yeah, it’s a little more modern stoplight.”

We talked about the inside joke that we have at the Professor Haus about how often the well in the middle of town gets hit. Timmy said it had just been hit (again) earlier in the year.

We talked about some other folks from Social Circle lore, like Victor the Pimp, whom I loved having conversations with when I lived there. I always felt like I was doing something naughty or wrong, but only when I told someone else. Victor was a human. We talked about human things. We enjoyed our conversations. Timmy talked to him too and enjoyed himself. It just shows that we have been like-minded all these years.

I also asked him if he remembered the Uptown Prostitute, and then a little bit about an off-the-record event that happened at the very small inn in town that rented rooms by the hour.

I make it sound like Social Circle was a scandalous, salacious town, but it’s not really. I just have always had a talent for finding the underbellies of things, even when I was a wee Jacki.

Oh, and the reason I know the motel in Uptown Social Circle rented rooms by the hour is because my family had to rent one to shower once when our well was broken.

I was the biggest dork in school, and I wouldn’t have found out any other way.

Question 9:

Is there an object in your home that quietly defines your day-to-day life?

 “I have to say, maybe a geode that we have on our mantle.”

ROCK GANG! Since this was the second rock mention, I had to ask how many rocks Timmy thought he had around his house.

 “Oh, man, it’s, I have no idea, because my daughter and son are both into rocks too. So now they’re, you know, I get rocks. They grabbing rocks too. So we have them all over the house.”

Me too, man. Me too. The rock we are talking about in particular is a smoky quartz geode, and I’m sorry I didn’t draw you a picture of it.

Also, I have been referring to Timmy as Timmy, because that is how I knew him when we were kids. He might use the more grown-up Tim now. Even though it doesn’t feel right. If you meet him, ask him if he still likes to be called Timmy.

Question 10:

When you’re in bed and the lights are off, what’s the last weird little thing you always do, before you can finally pass out?

 “Meditate. Yeah, that’s, I think that’s, yeah,”

Me: “I like the bookends there.”

Timmy: “Try to finish off the day with a meditation.”

This was a lovely parenthetical end to this interview. Meditation is still something I am not great at, so I took this opportunity to ask Timmy my big meditation question, “When do you know you are finished?!”

Cause to me, the ending of meditation is mt brain drifting off to some other topic, which happens a lot, so I don’t ever really feel like I can settle into meditation.

 “Up until recently doing the gateway tapes. I don’t know if I, if I really, truly could. I don’t feel like I could shut my mind off to a point to where I could really effectively meditate, but through the gateway tapes that made it truly easier for me.”

Looks like something to look into, huh?

Thank You:

Timmy didn’t really have anything personal to promote, so we spent some more time talking about what a weird place Social Circle, Georgia, was to grow up. We had some really progressive teachers in a town with not-so-progressive value,s and it was a real weird dichotomy.

The people who made it out of that thinking are cool as hell human beings. So many of my former classmates are still living there and leading (what seems to be) the same life.

Then I thanked Timmy for agreeing to do this, despite not talking to me for about 30 years.

“I figured if you, if you were doing it, it had to be fun, whatever it was. So I was, I was like, Oh yeah, that.”