My Silliest Recent Purchase

So, I binged Yellowjackets in two days with a friend. It was kind of a “new hang” so there was a little bit of awkwardness involved. I never know when it’s my turn to talk or react or whatever, so at first, I’m just gonna sit there quietly. 

Luckily binge days make for excellent hangs when you’re a socially awkward potato like I am. 

The show was good enough that it kept our attention rapt throughout, occasionally only yelling things to the characters on the screen. 

In classic Jacki fashion… the text messages after the hang were LIT. We were making glitter references, discussing theories, etc. I wish I could bridge the gap to doing that with my mouth when people are in person, but nope. 

Ok, but my awkwardness isn’t what I wanted to babble about today. 

I wanted to talk about these:

 Hair noodles!

I bought this rainbow of nonsense after our Yellowjackets binge. It wasn’t an attractive look per se, but I found myself kind of obsessed with Christina Ricci’s curls. 

So I went deep down into a Jacki-hole to figure out the easiest way for me to curl my hair. 

I ain’t good at hair y’all. Even worse, my social awkwardness makes the process of sitting in a chair and making dumb small talk and just doing nothing while someone pulls at my head nearly impossible to get through. 

And then when I’m done, the hair looks good and awesome, but it never matches my face. Like, I rarely like a haircut right away, because I never think they look right on my face.

Hair: Cover of one those hardbound magazines they feature in salon waiting rooms

Face: A painting from the 1600s

They just never match!

When I was faced with some no-people time, I decided to do what a lot of folks did and shave my head. 

Except I got only halfway and it looked punk rock AF half-shaved, so I just kept it. Then I just kept trimming it randomly whenever I felt like it. 

Ends looking shitty? Put it up in a pony tail and hack at it.

Hate the length of my hair that day? Snip, snip, snip!

Didn’t like my bangs that day? Scissors!

I got these level things that I can clip in and make sure my bangs are straight if I want to be all precise about it. But I never do. I do, however, feel like this is the happiest I’ve ever been with my hair. 

So back to my 90s-Ricci curls. 

My research reached far and wide and many price points. 

I am still lusting after the Dyson Air Wrap and if someone wants to splosh down $600 on a curling iron for me to try and report back on, here is a motherfucking link. 

I also looked at hot rollers and so many different styles of curlers. I didn’t want to lay out a great deal of money though. And I wanted it to be easy. 

You know, Jacki proof. 

So I got these. (They also make them for longer hair. (also those are both affiliate links))

Y’all they work (as evidenced by me actually taking selfies lately) and even better… they are EASY TO USE. 

And no heat, so no damage!

It’s basically just like I’m crocheting my hair a little bit. I’ll wet it, section it (I do not do this in any formal manner. It is very willy nilly, but I figure curls are too, so it is okay.) and then twist it up and put it in the curlers. 

Another thing I like about these curlers? They look somewhat cute when they’re in too. With the right outfit, I definitely feel like a Soundcloud rapper. 

Then I wait a few hours and if it’s cold outside, I’ll pop outside so they curls can “lock in”. You know, like the cool shot on your hair dryer. Does it work? Who knows, but I get to go outside and listen to “The Leftovers”soundtrack while I do it, so it doesn’t matter. 

Then I’ll run my fingers through my hair until it lands on a shape that I like and marvel at the rainbow in the bag that made my hair all fun and stuff!

They’re honestly just like fucked up finger traps for my hair. That I use to get cute. 

For me, cause ain’t nobody else here. 

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