My Year of Binchy – Week 18: A Pete Campbell Kinda Week

Thursday, May 2
  • Book: Silver Wedding
  • Chapters: About 26% of the book. The chapters are named after people
  • Location: Back driveway by the red garage
  • Smoking: Hella Jelly
  • Playlist: Fallout (Original Amazon Series Soundtrack) Radio:
  • Did I cry? Yes, at a very quiet part in the book where a lovely life was described
  • New Birds Heard: I did not listen to birds today, because I did gardening and reading between each chapter

I’m trying to be honest here and, if I’m being honest, I have to say that the early part of this week was:

My body was doing the peri-menopause thing it does sometimes where it teased my damn period for a full week of the worst mental PMS of my life before my period finally starts. And when I say bad mental PMS, I don’t mean things like “ooh I’m so fat, I hate my body” (I acuatlly love my boobs during the PMS times.) But my brain tries to convince me of the worst things, like terrible things that feel embarassing to say here.

But I will, because I know it is a normal thing that happens to our bodies as we age, and no one ever talked about it honestly to me or around me. It would have been helpful to know that my brain is gonna absolutely get taken over by a monster every month that thinks things like, “Mickey actually doesn’t like you. Never has, and has only been pretending all these years for [insert absolutely ludicrous reason here].” or it tries to convince me that the cops are probably gonna show up at my door for some crime that I did not commit, but they will be able to make logical sense of because of some random things that I did.

It’s wild. And I know that a big part of it is when my hormones change as my cycle progresses each month, two things happen:

  • Thing One: That hormone fluctuation really ramps up my OCD (especially many many death scenes for lots of people I love. Thanks, I hate it.)
  • Thing Two: My body reacts almost like an allergic reaction to the hormone change, which makes it really easy for my body to go into fight or flight.

Luckily, I have been to therapy, so can (most of the time) talk back to my brain and know in my heart that what it’s trying to convince me of is not true.

And I have amassed two tools that have helped me immensely.

One is weird, Pepcid AC for my fight or flight response. I’m pretty good about knowing before it’s gonna happen, so I can pop one of these heartburn pills and it prevents it from happening. Or if I am too late and have already gone into my fight or flight response, I take one and I calm down pretty quickly. Enough to be able to talk myself out of whatever loop it was trying to spin up.

There is a study that suggests this new feature of my body might have been activated when I got Covid a few years ago. And it also explains the science-y stuff

My other savior is magnesium baths. They have calmed my brain so much. It’s lovely and it is something I will always keep on hand.

Okay, so I have read three or four chapters so far and this book is lovely. Each chapter is from a different character’s perspective, all leading up to a Silver Wedding party at the end if I remember correctly. Heck, they may chuck it all and go on vacation instead. That’s a good ending, right?

I especially loved reading about an estranged son who went to live with his uncle on a farm in Western Ireland. They lead a simple life, raising lambs and living off the land. Occasionally the son would go into town to work in the bar to earn some money to add to the mens’ savings, which was kept in a jar.

If ever he needed money for something, his uncle would say something like, “There’s money in the jar for both of us.” So the nephew wanted to be able to replenish it. It sounded like a lovely, quiet life.

And then I read about a nun.. and the way they talked about using their “home” time to remove themselves from the pressures and madness of the outside world and really do their best to leave it behind. The way they talked about what a blessing it was to be able to do that because of the simple life they live.

So far, I think that if this book has a theme, it might have something to do with finding your own peace.

I guess we’ll find out.

Saturday, May 5
  • Book: Silver Wedding
  • Chapters: I’m about 46% of the way done
  • Location: Back driveway, so I can do my timelapse through the lilacs
  • Smoking: White Runtz baybee
  • Playlist: Succession Party, cause it goes with the gloomy weather
  • Did I cry? Prediction: No – CORRECT!
  • New Birds Heard: Red Bellied Woodpecker was the only out-of-the-norm one I heard

Two things:

  • One: the other day I did a really cool time-lapse on TikTok through the trees in the backyard and it looked cool and all, but when I picked up my phone there were slugs on the stand. Eep!
  • I already forgot what the second thing was.

Oh, I remember! So, like I was saying in the previous entry, the early part of this week was not great. In addition to my extended PMS from hell that kept me in my own head way more than I should have been, Mickey was also the darkest he’s been since being unemployed. And, with me being the only person present, I got the brunt of it.

So with two dysregulated systems in the house, it made for a challenging time. Luckily, I have built myself a whole mess of tools to help me get regulated again, and Mickey’s working through some of his own.

Things started to turn around late in the week and my period started and I am much happier.

And today we went to Free Comic Book Day and it was lovely – I got a Snoopy book and now I am ready to read.

So, let’s read.

So far, still not much to say about the story, but some of these characters I really relate to. Now I am reading about the dad of the family who got let go from his job, and then given it back a year later under unusual circumstances. He makes me sad because he seems very lost.

The mom of the family reminds me of the mom of my family in that, no matter what, appearances must be kept up. Like the fake appendix scar she sent me back to school with after I had a surprise baby in high school, she insisted that her husband get up and leave the house all day like he was working a full day of work. So that the neighbors wouldn’t suspect anything, you know?

Mickey did some yard work and then we took a walk around the yard to see what he did. We have MAD amounts of grape vines y’all. And there are so many baby grapes on them. He is draping them on our falling-down fence beside the white garage. A lot of people would think this fence is ugly, but I really love it for some reason and I think it’s gonna look lovely when the vine fills out even more.

Okay, back to reading and listening for birds now.

Comments

No comments yet. Why don’t you start the discussion?

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *