Here is a list on Bookshop.org with all the Maeve Binchy books I’ve read all year.
Monday, October
- Book: Scarlet Feather
- Chapters: 2
- Location: Front porch, It is cold.
- Smoking: ???
What I’m listening to:
Did I cry?
I did not!
Thoughts while reading (could be about the book, could not):
I don’t want to get all psychoanalytical, but to me, the twins in this book present very autistically.
But then I remembered how tragic their story is and all the terrible neglect and other things they have gone through at such a young age. And yes, it has taken me a long time to come to terms with, but being neglected is something you go through. It affects you and your brain. You do not come out unscathed on the other end.
That’s another thing I wish I would have learned before raising humans.
These kids are probably suffering from CPTSD.
What is CTPSD? Here is the answer from the pros:
Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (complex PTSD, sometimes abbreviated to c-PTSD or CPTSD) is a condition where you experience some symptoms of PTSD along with some additional symptoms, such as:
- difficulty controlling your emotions
- feeling very angry or distrustful towards the world
- constant feelings of emptiness or hopelessness
- feeling as if you are permanently damaged or worthless
- feeling as if you are completely different to other people
- feeling like nobody can understand what happened to you
- avoiding friendships and relationships, or finding them very difficult
And then I started thinking about how similarly CPTSD presents to Austism, and I think that is because almost all autistics experience trauma because neurotypicals just don’t know what to do with us.
I also know that looking at these characters in this way is because I am working through things in my own brain. Your experience with this book may vary.
This got away from what I was trying to say. I’ma get back to reading. This book is light and lovely despite all the darkness I just described.
I love this book and the people in it so much. What I wouldn’t give to work with Scarlet Feather (the catering firm) on event planning. I feel like I would be a great addition to the team, you know?
I feel that way about myself a lot, honestly. I’m great when supporting a team, but I don’t feel confident or adequate when I am running the show.
I have learned now that a lot of that stems from my childhood when many of my decisions (even small ones like picking books or movies) were questioned or ridiculed. It is hard for me to love things all the way and show people that because when I did that when I was growing up, I often got belittled or made fun of.
I understand now that that happened because they most likely did not understand me.
And that really kept me from getting any sort of understanding about who I actually am.
I spent many years, decades, etc., of my life trying to fit in different boxes so people would like me. So I would be accepted. I seeped out of the cracks a lot.
They weren’t very well-built boxes, I guess.
Why would you want anyone to be anything other than what they actually are?
They were dumb AF, looking back at it.
New birds heard:
None, but we have been feeding the Blue Jays pretty regularly.
