Sorry, it’s only online and the food is fake.
Just set your coat down over there and find a place to set your booty. Yes, of course there is a red carpet. No Getty Images watermark, though. Maybe I’ll work on that for next year!
Please choose from one of many stuffed animals who exist to provide you emotional support throughout the entire ceremony.
Trust me, you’ll need it. I get really into it.
Also, if you’d like, I’ll tell you all about the stuffie you choose: where they came from, what their personality is like and any quirks they might have. (This holds true for anyone coming to our house at all ever.)
Over there is a bucket of champagne and some glasses. If you’re into that, enjoy some… if not, no biggie! There is also a wide selection of bubbly water, Cherry Coke Zero, Diet Mountain Dew and whatever weird drink I’m into at the time. Right now it’s Yerba Mate for some reason.
If you want to smoke on the hoofentooter you have to go outside for that. But, of course, we have a ton of options as well. My current favorite is my new Flip-adelphia.
Please note the variety of Academy Awards decor all around the house.
Why yes! That limo has been hanging in our hallway for almost 10 years now! It’s from the original Oscar Party in this house!!!
Haha, yeah, those hand-drawn posters Mickey made are fantastic. He does those every year for me and a different style. I try to keep the Best Pic one from each year. (Or my favorite movie from that year.)
Over there is the ballots, some pens and clipboards. Please turn yours into me by 7:50pm. The prize is good. You’re gonna wanna win it.
That’s not the only game, though! Hold on lemme shuffle this stack of paper so that it’s truly random. Okay, okay, I think that’s good. Pick one!
OK, that is your scavenger hunt. Basically, it’s a randomized list of things that might happen during the ceremony. I have the master list and will be keeping track of it all night. We’ll crowd vote what counts or not if there are any arguments. I’m pretty strict on this one too. Like they have to have TEARS to be considered a “Cry face”. A simple voice break will not cut it.
There’s a prize for that too. And yeah, it’s good. But the best part of this scavenger hunt is that it keeps every single person at the part INTO the show. Even the boring parts.
Where’s the food? Where isn’t the food is a better question. It’s covering every single counter in the kitchen, the table that once housed my Christmas Forest AND a desk and record player table in the little office area offa the living room.
What *IS* everything? Settle in, cause this is gonna be a long explanation, but I’ll go as fast as I can.
I make a dish for each Best Pic nominee, you see! And of course any movie I loved enough to think it got overlooked.
- Belfast – Boxty (aka Irish potato pancakes, any excuse to eat potatoes, really)
- CODA – Fresh Fish, fried probably. Thinking flounder maybe? I like alliteration.
- Don’t Look Up – Snacks that you have to pay for
- Drive My Car – Garlic noodles (I need an excuse to have these at my party)
- Dune – Lemon Cayenne Water (aka “spicy water”)
- King Richard – Free burgers
- Licorice Pizza – Braised beef short ribs (this was the specialty of the house from the restaurant ‘Tail O’ the Cock’ which was prominently featured in the film)
- Nightmare Alley – Funnel cake
- The Power of the Dog – A salad (prepared by Jesse Plemmons)
- West Side Story – Empanadas, but made by a pro cause I ain’t got any idea what I’m doing
- The Eyes of Tammy Faye – Diet Coke in cans
- The Lost Daughter – Oranges, but if you can’t peel it clean in one piece you can’t eat it
- Spencer – a bucket of KFC, procured from the drive thru
And my favorite thing: a giant plate of homemade jalapeño poppers. For Zola, of course.
Oh, yes! All of the quotes on the wall are from the movie Zola, because I think it was robbed in almost literally every single category. I latch onto a film every year. This year… Zola is it.
No, the red carpet pre-show does not count for the scavenger hunt, only the ceremony proper.
Oh, wow, look at your dress! Thank you for dressing up, I was worried I’d be the only one.
Ok, it looks like everyone’s here now, let’s talk commerical breaks!
We’re doing the “Best Actor of All Time” formal debates again. Did everyone choose an actor?
Ok, here’s how it works. During each commercial break, we’ll have two (very short) Lincoln-Douglas-ish style debates. Each of you will try to convince the rest of the room that your chosen actor is the best actor of all time.
Since you were able to choose your actor when you got your invite, you’ve had plenty of time to prepare your cases.
This is a bracket style competition and we’ll continually whittle it down to two Actors by the end of the night. The final battle will determine the Best Actor of All Time for 2022.
Who’d you pick this year? I forgot.
Shh! The ceremony is starting. Put your phones away and let’s OSCAR!