Please Spell My Name Correctly

It has been spelled this way since fifth grade. 

You’ve had time to learn it. 

In fact, 99.9999999% of you have only ever known me as Jacki. 

Why you gotta laze out and spell it incorrectly?

Is it because you do not care about my feelings enough to get it right? 

Or you just can’t be bothered. 

My thought it is… if you are wanting to talk to me or, heck, do business with me, you can take the less time it takes to spell my name correctly. 

That’s all. 

Sorry, that was on my mind this morning. Guess it was some leftover crankies from yesterday. 

I can’t imagine what a slap in the face it must be for people who get deadnamed on the regular. Well, I can, kind of. I imagine it feels like a mental slap in the face. 

A hard one, like from a 1950s movie. But from people that you think respect you. 

And it’s about your entire identity and being and sense of self and not just the dumb spelling of your name. 

Ok, I take it back, no I cannot imagine how terrible that must feel, not even a tiny bit. 

 

Now I am outside and it is pleasantly warm. Above is a view from a short walk I took. There is truly beauty everywhere. 

Here is something else weird I did today:

Worked out in the gym. 

And even weirder was I preferred the treadmill to the elliptical. It was less to concentrate on, somehow, although my brain still had to actively focus so that I didn’t panic and fall off. 

It’s like anything that doesn’t match what I feel or see gets rejected by my brain. 

I think it’s the same reason I can’t do anything with gloves on my hands. 

I’m getting really worried about wintertime, but I think I will just get fold back mittens.

Mittens for the mitten state makes my brain happy. 

The other day I asked for some prompts from my Facebook friends so that I could write some short fiction. 

Because honestly, I wasn’t expecting how empty the time would be while we were livin’ hotel life. 

And I am mad I didn’t pack any painting supplies for this month. It would have taken up so little room and brought me a lot of exploratory joy. 

So instead I decided to explore writing because I definitely brought the supplies for that. 

Plus, I got so many solid prompts from my amazingly creative friends. 

And one word in one of them that helped put something in perspective for me that I’ve been trying to get the correct angle on for years. 

It combines something I’ve wanted to write about for years with a new storytelling device that I concocted earlier this year.

These two things have been rattling louder and louder each day and I am excited to see a path to mash ’em together, where as I had never even considered it before. 

But even better than that is this:

I am not talking myself out of it. 

I get ideas like this all the time. 

“The idea of a lifetime!” I’ll exclaim. 

Seriously. Ask me one time about the animated film about these two elephants that lived an amazing life that I want to write. That I’ve been talking about for at least 4 years now. (It’s a true story and if this all goes well, I’ll probably have the confidence to finally write this next.)

This amalgamation of ideas that landed in my lap with these prompts feels different than the other ideas. 

And I think a lot of that has to do with me and where my brain is now. 

Before, I never had the time or space to let an idea develop past the first lightening bolt, much less start an outline (circle-shaped, of course) that I could flesh out into 8 short stories that is also a book with a full story.  

But that’s what I did yesterday. 

Like. I planned a thing and I am cutting this blog short to flesh it out a bit more. 

Because I don’t think it’s a dumb idea because *I* had it and no one likes the things I like. (Thanks, brain)

I think this is a really good idea and I honestly can’t wait to read it. Because I will definitely forget what I said in the beginning and middle by the time I write the end. 

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