Riddle Me This: Coffee Edition

I don’t like crumbs in my drinks.

Rimming my cocktail with crushed-up graham crackers? GFTO of here with that messy glass. Pina Colada with strands of dried coconut mixed in? I do not want it. Dipping coolies in milk? I hates it.

Yes, even Oreos.

While I’m on the topic of oreos… I have a confession to make:

I Do Not Enjoy Oreos

Also, as I typed out that heading, I made the decision not to use the word “like” as much. I think it kind of depersonalizes the feeling behind it. And oftentimes causes folks to get their hackles up, or whatever that phrase is. In this instance, I went with enjoy, but here are other options:

• fancy
• delight in
• adore
• value
• crave

There are more, too, but this is a post about coffee, not about words. And not about cookies either, but walk with me here while I talk about Oreos a bit more.

So, yeah, I don’t fancy Oreos. Never really have. They are dry and crumbly and just not for me. And the icing doesn’t even have that satisfying grittiness that it did back in the 80s.

Yes, I enjoy talking them apart and scraping that icing offa the cookie with my teeth.

No, I will not willingly buy them for consumption at the grocery store. I will always choose another cookie.

Additional Confession: I recently purchased Golden Oreos at the grocery store. They were not for personal consumption but to mix with butter and jello to make Strawberry Crunch for a Strawberry Crunch Lollipop.

Other Crap in My Drinks

I may have tried to convince myself of this in the past cause it was a cool foodie thing, but I do not appreciate anything chunky in my drinks.

Orbitz? Bye, bye, boyeee (yes, orbitz are boys. balls, after all.) Boba? Boy, bye. (also balls.) Coffee jelly (or any other flavor jelly), closer to acceptable, but still a naw, dawg from me.

The only thing that I actually have enjoyed without trying to convince myself (don’t give me a hard time about this… I’ve grown so much since then) was red beans in a coffee drink. I think it’s because I am familiar with beans and their texture, and they don’t change as the drink changes. I dunno. I just dig them, okay?!

Now, brace yourself, I am about to show you something that doesn’t look appetizing, but trust me when I say it is the most heavenly cup of coffee that I’ve ever put in my face.

Jacki, you might be thinking… this looks like a drink with chunks or crumbs in it. To that I reply, “yes it does!” but then I will also tell you that as I was typing out this sentence, I mistyped “chunks” twice and they are both top-notch fake words:

• crunbs
• chrunks

These are not chunks or crumbs or crunbs or chrunks but chopped up pistachios. And I pay $2 for them every time I order.

This is the Pistachio Latte from Qazzaz Coffee. Have you been to visit me since it opened? Then I have probably walked you there. I love this place so much, I wrote a whole article about their Dubai Chocolate Croissant, which is delicious and delectable.

But this Latte is the thing I will order every single time. It’s made with oat milk and pistachio flavoring and you can get it hot or iced (i get it hot because I prefer hot coffee). You can add on house-made foam and crushed pistachios, and I do that every time.

Now, I will admit, the first time I faced this decision, it was a hard one. I trusted Qazzaz implicitly. They are the coffee I have at home, the carafe I carry to ceramics, the beans I bring to my buds, they are simply the yummiest. But crushed pistachios?! In my COFFEE?! Seems crumby, man.

But I went for it, and I’m so glad I did, because these are drink crumbs I truly enjoy. And my order hasn’t changed since.

Here is a pic from Qazzaz that makes it look way more appetizing than mine did.

So, the other afternoon, we went in to get a bag of home beans and weren’t gonna get coffee, cause we are old and it keeps us up too late now (how the heck did THAT happen?!). As I perused the menu, I didn’t want anything but this latte, so I told the employee at the counter my conundrum, and they said they could make it decaf!

That’s what I got, with the house-made foam and crushed nuts, of course. Mickey got a (decaf) Kunafa latte. It also had chunks, or strands, I guess. Yeah, strands. And we got our bag of beans. And that was it.

Then I said, “I’m gonna poke my head around the counter and peep the sweets case. I’m not gonna get anything though.”

Famous last words… cause I saw these and they came home with us:

The yellow one is a pineapple. If you would like to see them cut open, leave a comment or send me an email (jacki at valley of oh dot com).

Oh, so I guess the point of this blog was to ask… why don’t these drink crumbs bother me? Is my brain finally doing some real healing, or are they THAT good?