Austin’s Coffee: as long as you are in Florida, in Orlando, in the performer scene, and in other places now (probably), this name holds WEIGHT.
You want good local art? Bam! You want good water-flavored coffee? BAM! You want to see a bunch of people rap or speak at ya? BAM! Austin’s Coffee is the Dutch Bros of this state.
I knew of Austin’s as a kid in the day time, but lived its nightlife through many a story. It was THE place to go if you were trying to practice your art. If you only hit one mic… hit this one. To a young mind, a legend was born.
Now that I am an adult and doing (what I hope is) comedy, I got excited at the Idea of my Austin’s “DEBUT.”
I came down last year for the holidays only to find Austin’s had fallen. I was devastated, a hole in my heart (not good for your health, btw).
I had this vision of a glorious crowd lighting up at a silly little joke, performing where some great talent has! Now that will never happen (it still won’t, but that’s in a semantic sense & **** that.).
A year later, I find myself returning to the BIG CITY, Orlando, O-town, Disneyland.
I see an announcement on Facebook that Austin’s is returning. (Thanks, Zuc!!! [We are best friends, he may never admit it publicly or privately, but we are!!!])
Holy heck yeah dude, some of the best things have the word “Return” in them like “of the king”, “of the jedi”, some other stuff.
Planner Break!!!!
I mark my calendar, it’s a 2-year Hello Kitty planner thingy, but it started in August of 2025. I didn’t get it till December; that is so many wasted months. This goes until the end of 2027, so why do I need those extra months? (I just saw the run-on sentence that was… good luck, Jacki :) )
Why do I need those months when I buy the next one? I HAVE to get it in August, but then do I never fill out Sep- Dec on the others, or do I just fill Aug-Dec twice every year, then that’s like the rest of the year I care about less, since I only write those events once. Is this what anxiety is? Whatever this is I have, I am sure a psychologist or whoever is reading this can tell me.
So I go to THE AUSTIN’S COFFEE OPEN MIC GRAND OPENING. I am late. TBH, TLDR: my dad texted me it’s gonna be a big deal, so I decided I can’t show up 3 hours early. The alternative is to show up an hour late. Believe it or not, three hours is still early for that night, because it’s a BIG DEAL.
I walk into this Gas Station (?), IDK what it was before. I see the new spot is way bigger than the previous, but just as packed.
I grab a latte. I am writing this on National Latte Day. National Day-heads out there, you’ll know when that is. Shout out to you! I sit in a corner and observe the art. If I weren’t poor, I would have wanted to buy it all, sue me.
{Note to Jacki, I really am just typing and not looking back, so the massive amount of mistakes there are, I am slowly starting to feel bad about it. I know we have talked about this guy a lot →, and I don’t know if I am under- or overusing it at this point.}
Ed Note (this is Jacki now)
You are neither over- nor underusing anything. I can totally hear your voice in this, and that’s what I’m going for above all else. I remember when you were in school and had to write “official papers”… how many commas you did NOT want to use. So I asked you to put one wherever you would naturally pause while talking, but that ended up with too many commas.
I later learned from a very talented editor that this wasn’t even the right advice to give. Here’s a good primer on how to properly use commas in official writings where people care about that shit.
This isn’t an official writing for anything but our enjoyment, so, like I said when I asked you to write this, Logan, I do not give a shit about comments. =)
I guess I should have done a little intro explaining what the purpose of this guest blog is, but I didn’t, so I am doing it now.
So, my readers may or may not know the following things, so I will say them plainly:
Logan is my stepson
I have known him most of his natural life, but only became step parent-adjacent when he was in middle school.
Before that, I was just his dad’s friend who had a kid kind of his age.
Really, “friend”! I mean that word! Mickey and I were good friends for about 8 years before we got together properly.
Logan lived with us throughout high school.
Then Logan went off on his own adventures, landing in Colorado, where he…
Needed a new heart a couple years ago.
And got one.
Then, he started doing standup comedy in Colorado and fell in love with it hard.
Life and the general shittiness of the world happened.
And now Logan is back in Orlando, where he’s co-hosting TOTS with Ross and working the comedy circuit.
We do our best to put him in the path of folks who could help him on that journey.
Logan is funny and a gifted comedy writer.
Otherwise I wouldn’t recommend him to anyone, would I?
One of these paths led to the first Sunday open mic at the new Austin’s Coffehouse in Orlando, Florida. Logan went and then decided to write about it. I didn’t want those old “official writing rules” to dampen his excitement so I texted him:
Screenshot
That’s the energy I’d expect for all my guest bloggers. I’m interested in the raw version of folk’s brains, not the edited and polished versions. I’m very proud of Logan for giving me exactly what I asked for.
It’s Logan, Again!
When I arrived at Austin’s for the open mic, I saw a list of roughly 30 comics. I am an hour late. They were on, like, comic number 10. I don’t gotta add my name to the end of that long list.
Instead, I watch.
I listen to:
Comics from years past came out for this
Current comics, excited to have another venue again
comics that only come to this mic and haven’t been out since it closed
And new comics, trying it for the first time here at Austin’s, because the Legend is real.
Believe it or not, watching comedy is much easier when I’m not worried about performing later. This experience matched most of my previous Orlando comedy experiences. Comedians walk up with confidence, and I watch that confidence shrink as they try one failed joke and can’t recover. (Jacki interruption! This is a great observation… and a note for those comedians that tell a joke that doesn’t land and panic: Don’t give up mid-set! You can recover if you don’t give up. The audience is there to laugh, after all. Not judge you. And honestly, if you, as an audience member, are there to judge people, do some work on yourself, please. kthxbai)
Also, shout out to the absolute champs of a couple who were asked how long they’;d been together no less than 20 times. Their answer? 65 years. Every. Single. Time.
In addition to the comedy, I did treat myself to one piece of art. Of all the beautiful pieces of art I saw hanging on the walls, one stood above the rest and forced me to buy it.
I’ll send a picture, and it can probably be added here: well, not there, probably in a sec…
I’ll describe it first, leave the anticipation, so you know what the editor of this has to go through. (plus, she has aphantasia, so she can’t even picture it in her head!) Well, unless I send the picture and she sees that first, then reads this, then that’s unfair to the reader. Do we put it as the first image, and then they get all confused until they get here? I’ll leave this one up to editing humor. I’ve laid a few blueprints you could take it anyway.
It’s these Sassy Ass Diva Oranges.
Jacki note: they cute.
I saw a thing recently that the word “sassy” was controversial, maybe because it was used derogatorily, and I don’t remember if it was a satire video or not, because that’s harder and harder to tell these days. Is it bad to say I am sorry? I like “Sassy” though, and in a very positive manner.
When you saw the pic, obviously, I mean it positively. I mean, I bought it and am about to go on how it reminds me of someone I like, and ultimately, I got it for them. However, it’s gonna be a little while before I see them, so I can admire them in the meantime, which is like the whole point of art.
I love these Oranges, they remind me of this girl that I like, you know, like, like. She still talks to me after some ridiculous bits that I have done, so the least I can do is get her some oranges.
I don’t know if I did this right, so hopefully it was an entertaining read for your elevator ride, you speed reader, or hopefully it lasted your entire [insert activity here] you do while reading this time. Have a wonderful time :)
Oh fuck! That artist! Shout them out with the picture:
