This is the line I use when I’m on the phone with a customer service person, trying to figure out how to “fix” something on my account.
Boy, this sounds clickbait-y already, huh? Not my intention, but this is the title my brain wanted to give this blog. Sometimes I give in to my brain. Not as much as I used to, though.
Side Bar
This skill/phrase I’m about to reveal is something I am oddly skilled at, which is weird, because it involves many things that I famously hate.
Most notably, talking on the phone. This is something I am terrible at and mostly avoid doing at all costs. For example, when I am looking for repairfolx to do work on the Professor Haus, I will straight up say in the contact form that I fill out, “My preferred method of communication is via text or email. I have a nuerodivergent brain, and it processes information best in a visual manner.”
If they call me after getting that message, then there’s a 99% chance I will not use them. The 1% chance only exists if they are, like, the only business providing the service I need.
Then I just roll my eyes really hard the entire time I am on the phone.
The other time I have to talk on the actual phone is when I need to troubleshoot something tech-y. Now, full disclosure, I will 100% use the chat feature first, but I’ve found that sometimes I get better results when I actually call and use my stupid voice box.
I’ve offered before, but I’m saying it again – if there is a thing you need to stay on hold or fight with tech support or customer service, I will happily charge you my hourly rate to do so on your behalf.
I get a sick thrill when I successfully emerge victorious in a customer service battle. It gets me that dopamine burst my brain needs.
The entire time I’m on the phone, there is icy hot hate running through my veins instead of blood. And I’m fine with that temporarily.
The One Phrase That Spells Success
Yeah, yeah, I’m still leaning into the clickbaitiness of this entire post. Wanna call me and yell at me about it? Fine. I probably won’t even answer, but if, by some crazy turn of events, I do pick up, you’ll get Customer Service Jacki. And nobody loves Customer Service Jacki.
Well, that’s not true. The folks I speak to in a customer service manner tend to leave the call much happier than they do with most people. And I think that’s because I treat them like humans.
Not like someone responsible for whatever inconvenience I’m currently suffering through that even necessitates a phone call.
Not taking out all of my current frustration on them.
I mean, why would I do either of those things? Whatever my issue is… is not their fault. Most times, they’re in a shittier situation than I am. And when I feel myself getting too frustrated, almost to the point where I feel like I might take it out on the human on the other end of the phone, I tell them this:
“You deserve a better job than this.”
It really throws them off.
But they most likely do. They’re probably not getting paid enough to live comfortably. Sure, they get by, but they have to be “on” most of the day, and we all know how draining that can be. Maybe they even have another job to get to after this one, just to make ends meet and maybe, just maybe, have some wiggle room for a treat or two.
I’ve been there; I’ve worked in a call center (more than once, and I hate how skilled I was at it). I also had jobs on the side so we could eat, pay bills and gas, and try to have some fun every now and then. Having to scramble like that sucked, and no one deserves that.
So, when I say that to them, it throws them off, but it also changes the whole vibe of the call. It’s like they put down their defenses and realize that we’re on the same side. I can almost feel their shoulders relax.
“You deserve a better job than this.”
That’s it. Try it. Report back. Awaken the anti-capitalist beast in more worlds than mine.
