I could only think of clickbait titles for this blog for some reason. Sorry about that.
But no, really. If it weren’t for this one household appliance (?) I would be a lot more grumpy. I dunno if it is really an appliance though. Maybe you can help me decide. Let me tell you about it.
Okay, so do you remember in elementary school when we had classroom jobs? You know, line leader, eraser clapper, paper passer outer? Those kinds of jobs! Was there one classroom job that was more coveted than any other?
In my classroom, there 100% was a job that reigned supreme above them all, and it was the classroom floor cleaner.
But we didn’t use a plug into the wall vacuum that was loud and scary and stinky. Even back then I hated the feet smell that comes with using a traditional vacuum (or at least the ones I knew growing up.)
It was one of these babies. The sound when you whisked this yellow cutie over the threadbare classroom carpet was so satisfying. The feel of the, I dunno, gentle rumblies that felt like personal thunder as it zipped around made me happy. And watching the classroom dirt disappear magically into that metal box? Ugh, that was the best.
You know, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… I cannot believe that I was in my 40s before I realized I had OCD for my actual entire life.
Yeah, I loved that thing. I loved when I was the carpet sweeper. Back then, I loved cleaning. Nowadays, it takes up too much room in my brain. I know that is because cleaning was a novelty when I was a kid. Now, as an adult, it is a necessity, meaning if I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done.
So, I put a lot of thought into the appliances I buy to clean my things. I have a system for windows and floors that doesn’t use any cleaners at all, because my partner is sensitive to scents.
Which brings me to…
My Grown-Up Vacuum Cleaner
So, when I lived in Florida, we had a lot of carpet. (Here, it’s mostly hardwood floors, with very crappy 1990s carpet upstairs.) So I did a lot of vacuuming back in the hot sunny fire (as my friend Bee calls Florida) days.
For a while, I had some stinky vacuums, but eventually I got fed up with them and took to the internet to do some research.
That research led me to the Quantum X vacuum, which I began lusting after for two solid years. When I finally treated myself to one (yes, I ‘treated myself’ to a vacuum. shutit), it was a dream, it pulled so much dirt up from the carpets, and it never smelled like feet once! AND! I never had to empty a dusty vacuum bag or canister that just put half of what I swept up back into the air.
A cleaning dream, I tell you.
Then here at the Professor Haus, we ain’t got much carpet. I sweep and mop downstairs. And we really only use two rooms upstairs, so lugging the water vacuum around didn’t make much sense.
But it makes me crazy in my brain to have crap on the floor, so I had to do something to make cleaning the upstairs floors less of an obstacle for my brain.
At first, I tried traditional sweeping, with, like a broom, because my brain figured that would be enough for the small areas I needed to keep clean. It worked fine, but something inside me did not like the sound or feeling that it made.
So, for a while, I simply picked up big pieces with my own two hands and tried to block everything else out (for my brain) until I felt like bringing out the big ‘ol vacuum.
Then one day I randomly remembered how much fun it was to clean the floor in elementary school and got to searching.
There were a few options out there, but the one that was the most well-reviewed (by humans and not robots) was the Easy Sweep from Bissell. It is no longer available, but this is close.
Y’all, I love this thing. I clean the upstairs carpet at least once a week nowadays. My music isn’t drowned out by the screams of a machine, and my inner child gets the same joy from rushing it back and forth across the carpet.
It’s a win-win. Plus, it is easy to clean and doesn’t get stinky. This is an A+ purchase, and if you follow my lead, please tell Bissell it was because of me! (Not because I get a kickback, but because I want them to know that having a fantastic product that people talk about organically is an excellent way to gain new customers)
I’m Not the Only One Who Loves It
Then, the other day in ceramics class, we were talking about household tasks and how they work in our house. We were griping about which chores we loved, which we hated, and which we all (mostly) ignored.
We all hated vacuuming for many of the reasons I listed above. I started to tell the ladies about my water vacuum (because I still felt some kind of dumb shame for using my lil teal Bissell badass), but was interrupted almost immediately.
“You know what I use that has made it so much easier?”
Everyone looked at her eagerly.
“One of those old-fashioned Bissell carpet sweepers.”
My eyes lit up. I keep finding more and more of my people in ceramics class. And what’s more, hey brain… I HAD NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT. Jesus Christ, brain, give me a break. My carpet is clean and I am happy, what’s to be ashamed of there?
Sorry, sometimes my mental illness runs away from me, and I have to reign it in.
What’s your favorite household tool of choice at the moment?
