I don’t do well with disappointment or being let down. Especially when it’s something that could have been prevented. Even moreso when I’m the one that could have prevented it.
Yesterday, I wrote that big exciting blog about how much I hate driving and how happy I was to be giving a car that I love to someone I love.
This morning, I called the mechanic that we had Yeezus towed to for battery replacement (which is what we had scienced the issue down to) and to give him a good once over before sending him off to his new home.
The mechanic said, “It’s not just the battery. The timing belt broke and then when you tried to start the car it broke something else because the timing belt was broke and now the engine is dead and your car is a brick.”
Or whatever the real translation of what he said to me was. I don’t speak car well.
This just reiterated to me how much I hate dealing with cars and driving. It makes me feel so dumb… even though I know I’m not.
It was the wrong tone to start my morning off with.
(SEO PHOTO BREAK: Bear soap and bath bomb from Lush was the ‘treat from a friend’ this day needed.)
Normally, I would let something like this bleed into the rest of my day and I’d be angry and have this internal storm inside that sloshes over onto every single other thing in my life.
Today, I made the decision to feel the anger and disappointment. I yelled. I listened to very loud angry music. I moved my body. I let my tears go. I listened to sad music, because I felt sad.
My brain tried to stop my body many times, but I didn’t listen.
I just let the feelings feel.
It was weird to me and felt a little alien, because I’ve spent literally my entire life keeping my emotions behind a curtain. When the wind blows just right, you can totally see what’s going on behind it, but I’ve used magnets to keep the curtain pretty tight.
Today I ripped the curtains wide open. And I ended up having a better day for it.
I “let the light” in… or, in this case, the darkness.
Where previously I would have stewed in disappointment and “If only…” for the entire day, today I dealt with the emotions and was able to move on and have an otherwise productive afternoon. Even with an in person meeting!!!!!
Despite still being disappointed that a friend was let down.
This is not the blog I wanted to write today, but I had to honor these feelings.
Thanks for listening. Or reading or whatever.
I’m gonna go take a bath.