You Know… I’m Something of a Scientist Myself: An Experiment

So it was my birthday over the weekend and I was feeling a little kicky. I had Olympics on my television, pizza to eat, and a taco cake to eat.

Oh, let me tell you something about myself before we move too far into my recent science experiments. Yes, there are multiple.

I had to be sure, after all.

a confession

Okay, so I smoke marijuana. I have a prescription and everything. It has helped me immensely over the past few years, especially with social anxiety. It has also allowed my brain to slow down and shut the fuck up enough that I have been able to untangle a lot of the things in there that were holding me back.

Now, it’s not just ouid that accomplishes this. It’s also a lot of patience and time and grace… and WORK. Untangling your brain on the route to healthifying it is not easy, y’all. Take it from one who knows (if you can record yourself saying that line from a movie in the correct rhythm, I will send you a free sticker).

So, there you have it. I smoke the devil’s lettuce. Even more scandalous? My delivery method of choice is an old-school bong. I purchased mine from Diesel Glass, because they supported my friend Ross and I always support companies who support my friends.

meet sharpie buttsalot

Its name is Sharpie ButtsALot (2 Electric Boogaloo – I broke the original and was sad).

I prefer the old bonger because I can control how much I smoke and I know exactly what is going into it. I also have a very elaborate filtering system in place, because I gotta keep my lungs as clean as possible, you know? So, a bong it is.

Normally, I put cold water in my it. I’ve experimented with both hot, warm, and cool… and even ice cubes. I prefer chilled water best, it’s smoother and it makes my chest feel dryer. No, I cannot explain further, because I don’t quite understand it myself.

Like I said, it was my birthday and I was feeling kicky. This idea popped into my head and my immediate thought was, “fuckit. It’s my birthday. Let’s give it a shot.” I didn’t even google it first, which is very unusual for me.

Sharpie ButtsALot was freshly cleaned and ready to be refilled.

the experiment

So I poured a can of seltzer in.

Now, don’t get all yelly at me. It was normal water. I like beer, remember? Do you think someone who loves beer as much as I do would keep white claw or similar in the house?! Absolutely not. If that’s your jam, fine, but it’s just not for me.

I will be purchasing one can in the future so that I can test this though.

But for the purposes of this first experiment, I used a plain, unflavored can of non-alcoholic seltzer, Kroger brand. Just your normal bubbly water. It took a full can to fill up Sharpie.

Also, for science reasons, I will also tell you that the particular strain I used is total dirt weed. $35 an ounce, seeds everywhere (we have two sprouting already!), but it does the job.

So I wasn’t working with anything ridiculous or fancy or new or anything. I’d had this same stuff every day for a week or so.

the results

Y’all. Y’ALL. After one hit offa Sharpie ButtsALot I was higher than I had been in months. Literal months.

I sat with it for a minute to be sure.

I could feel the smile spreading across my face as I sank back into the red portable chair that is more like a sling on the front stoop. This felt like a new experience.

I love new experiences.

I took another hit so that I could remember how this particular experience felt.

First off, it doesn’t hit like a normal bong hit. For me, it’s softer somehow. I can feel the bubbles from the seltzer – they almost reach my nose, but not quite. Like the early stages of a sneeze before it gets annoying.

Then, when I took the air and smoke into my lungs, it felt fuller than normal, but by no means uncomfortable.

It was no more difficult than normal to hold in the smoke.

When I let out the smoke, the high was immediate and almost completely in my head, but then relaxed into my body. It was really an A+ way to spend my birthday.

The smoke itself seemed heavier. It stayed in the bong much longer than usual. It felt less wasteful somehow.

the aftermath

Once I could type, I quickly messaged all my best high friends to share my experiences.

Not a single other one of them had ever tried this before. I felt like an astronaut, stepping onto a new planet for the first time.

However, by this time, I had finally googled it and found other folks with experiences similar to mine, mostly on Reddit and private forums.

Most of my high friends said they would try it, as well.

And one asked me if I’d tried it with Vernor’s yet. Ah, Michiganders.

someone else tries it

Then, this morning as I was writing about cool places in Michigan for work, one of those very good high friends messaged me this:

No words. Just a photo of a clean bong and a can of seltzer.

I was tingling with excitement. I hoped they had a similar experience and I didn’t just hype this all up in my head.

Then I got this message:

Definite ugrade, works so much better i instantly worried it must be bad for you

This was exactly how I felt on the inside after the first time – this was too effective, why isn’t everyone doing this, it must be bad for me.

Then I got another message:

When the paranoia hits extra you know you’re doing it right

Then we had a bumbling little conversation about the possible science involved.

the science

I remembered! I know an actual CBD scientist I could ask! I explained my lil experiment to them and told them our assumptions so far, which were as follows:

The C02 does something with the cannabis that makes it better somehow.

The scientist’s initial answer agreed with this:

Ooh, interesting! The CO2 would definitely be to blame, but I’d want to look into this a bit more before giving you a proper answer. I would suspect that there are either cannabinoids that got trapped in the CO2 or that the CO2 dissipated faster causing the cannabinoids to concentrate. Let me do some digging and get back to you!

And then some digging was done, but it didn’t take long.

You are spot on with your assumptions. Specifically, delta 9 THC is concentrated at a higher rate in CO2 than other cannabinoids, which would increase the high and decrease the other cannabinoids, leaving it off balance.

Wild, huh? Here is the peer-reviewed study, which they were surprised existed in the first place!

the future

Y’all know I’m gonna be testing this out with all kinds of other liquids, right? Flavored selzter, yes. Beer, yes. Champagne, yes. CHERRY COKE ZERO, IMMEDIATELY

In fact, Mickey purchased me a separate bonger for experimentation purposes only, because Sharpie is too complex to keep as clean as I would need it to be for proper testing. Its name is Vernor and it’s already had an outing: